Monday, June 1, 2015


I don't mind admitting it when I'm wrong, or when there's something I didn't know. For instance, I always thought that, in most areas of life, it's up to other people to declare you as being "the best" at something. I figured that's why we have elections and the Oscars and all sorts of other symbolic ceremonies in our culture, right?
Apparently, it isn't against the rules to simply declare yourself "the best." Per the leadership of Revitalize Port Angeles, not only is it okay for people in Port Angeles to declare themselves "the best," but the town actually "deserves" that title. Not because of anything that can be measured or quantified. Not because people who have visited here have said so and spread the word. No, as crazy as it initially seemed, it's apparently perfectly fine and sensible for Port Angeles to declare that Port Angeles is "the best." And not just "the best," but "The Best Town EVER."
Having now incorporated that new framework into my worldview, I am pleased to inform you that you are now - right this very moment - reading "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD." Yes, you heard it here first (and only): Port Angeles Unearthed is, without a doubt, "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD." It probably has something to do with being associated with Port Angeles, which is, as you know, "The Best Town EVER." So how could this blog be anything less than the best?
Now that it has been established that this is "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD," I feel it's only fair to shine a little light on some other bastards, er, "Best Ofs" associated with "The Best Town EVER."
Karen Rogers is, without a doubt, the BEST
Unindicted Crook to have ever been Mayor
of Port Angeles. Karen also placed NUMBER ONE
in our "BEST of Buffet" competition.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a TIE in our
BEST Village Idiots to ever hold Public Office competition!
Yes, Cherie "It's A GREAT Day in Port Angeles!" Kidd
and Don "I Went to the School of Hard Knocks Ha Ha Ha" Perry are
BOTH absolutely brilliant at being morons.

The BEST case of Premature Exclamation goes to
the "sale" of the Lincoln Theater - which goes on and
on and on...

We have a terrific twofer! Yes, the Turd Tank is the winner in
both the BEST Waterfront Art category, as well as the BEST
use of $50 Million Dollars (and counting).

The BEST Puppeteer in Port Angeles is
handsome young Dick Pilling (the handsome young
fellow on the right - of course)! Dick is shown here with
his current hand puppet, Dan Gase. Dick previously
worked with Brooke Nelson, before she decided she didn't like having
Dick up her ass. Obviously Dan has no such problem!
Congratulations to both of you, gentlemen!
Sometimes, the BEST things in life really are free.
So, little ol' Forks scores with Steve Markwell in the category
of BEST Publicity That Money Can't Buy (Post-Twilight Division).
Now, thanks to Steve, Forks isn't just known for vampires; it's also
known for animal abuse. Yes indeedy, Steve - Forks you!
And now, thanks to Port Angeles, pretty much the whole country
knows that a bulldozer is the BEST Tool for Settling a Dispute
with a Neighbor. It's also the BEST Tool with which to Resolve a
Boundary Line Issue.
Port Angeles is also the BEST Place to Walk Without
Worrying About Running Into Anyone - Ever. Yes,
in Port Angeles you have room to roam! Lots and lots of room!
Whew! You're right, Revitalize Port Angeles! Port Angeles IS the "Best Town EVER"! And I haven't ever mentioned that BEST Reporter, Paul Gottlieb. We haven't even mentioned how Port Angeles is one of the BEST Places to Abuse Drugs. We haven't even touched on how Port Angeles is just about the BEST Place to Drop Out of School. Or to drop off of a bridge.
So many BESTS, so little time! Take THAT, Chattanooga! You can't hope to compete! 


  1. Oh! I'm so glad that you posted this. Leslie Roberts and her crew must be so proud of you. To see some of the MANY highlights that makes Port Angeles the "Best Town EVER".

    Let us not forget that Candidate-for-re-election Cherie Kidd sat silent as that young woman recounted saving that young man who was overdosing on heroin in the streets of Port Angeles. Cherie, along with Leslie Roberts and most of the Revitalize crew sat silent as that young woman pleaded that the Port Angeles City Council give the youth of Port Angeles "hope".

    But they were not alone. Jim Moron.. er, I mean, Jim Moran, President of the Port Angeles Chamber of Commerce sat silent, along with Josh Rancourt (General Manager at County Aire) acting as President of the Port Angeles Downtown Association.

    The Port Angeles Police Chief Terry Gallagher didn't bother to say anything, either. Or the City Manager, Dan McKeen.

    See, this is what makes Port Angeles " The Best Town EVER". Our children are overdosing from heroin in the intersections in broad daylight, and we can't be bothered to comment. Our youth can be brave enough to come to the City Council to ask for help, and not one of the members of the city, or civic leadership, ALL of whom were present, can be bothered to say one word.

    When asked to fund the building of a new high school, the residents of the BEST Town EVER said "No way".

    Clearly, these actions define what other towns and cities across North America can only dream to strive for. To be "The Best", like Port Angeles.

    But Port Angeles is blessed with so much more. Parents that brand their own children like cattle (Yes, red-hot iron and scarred flesh). And, kids that like to be branded. A City Council that threatened to turn off the water to it's own residents during the heat of the summer, in order to force them to VOTE in a way the city wanted!

    Hundreds of millions to clean up toxics in the harbor. Toxics dumped in sites around town by the mills. When the Rayonier mill was operating, over-night emissions would burn the paint off metal fences in Gales Addition. Yumm! (That clean up was supposed to scrap off and remove the top soil from large areas of Port Angeles, but for some unexplained reason, it didn't happen. Wanna buy my home?)

    The list is long. When ( of course "when", because Port Angeles is the BEST) Port Angeles is crown "The Best" officially, the whole world can get to know how special and wonderful Port Angeles REALLY is.

    1. I wrote this piece - admittedly not my BEST or most probing work - for two reasons. The trigger was seeing the Revitalize people quoted as saying Port Angeles "deserves" to win this (utterly meaningless) contest. No reason given, no explanation offered. Just "we deserve it."


      The second thing is, I'd just really, really like to hear someone, anyone, in a position of authority in Port Angeles or Clallam County simply admit that things aren't all rosey and perfect. There's nothing wrong with civic pride, but in this case, it's mutated into a form of blind insanity.

      Every parent thinks there kid is beautiful, brilliant, etc. But, that doesn't mean that every kid is, in fact, beautiful or brilliant. A smart parent will realize their children, no matter what inherent qualities they may have, need to work to make themselves special, notable, etc. A smart community will approach things the same way.

      In this desperate and pointless quest for non-existent glory, Port Angeles is, once again, demonstrating that it's not a smart community. The moronic "best" competition is, at best, a distraction, as well as a waste of time, energy and focus.

      Simply declaring something is true doesn't make it so. Working to make it so at least gets you a step closer to it being true. I think we're all waiting for the leaders of Port Angeles to take that first step. That step could take the form of, as I state above, simply admitting that there is much work to do, that there are things wrong in the community.

    2. A little show of honesty would help, to be sure. You can't treat the patient if they keep denying that they're sick.

      Blind insanity, indeed...

    3. Oops! I used "there" when I should have used "their" above. My bad. So bad, in fact, that it calls into question whether or not this is actually the Best Blog IN THE WORLD. My apologies!

  2. A good list of local failures and issues, CK - ones that generally go unaddressed by the PDN and local press, save this blog and POC. Even that "free thinker" Tom Harper is towing the party line. Yeah, "Port Angeles' Star is Rising." Tell it to all the people here who can't find jobs. Tell it to all the drop outs. Tell it to those empty streets.

    We need to get real before we can hope to get better.

    1. Tom Harper is a complete idiot. I think the real "claims to fame" for Port Angeles are listed here. I'm going to guess that a lot more people heard about the bulldozer rampage than will ever hear about this stupid contest. And I'm guessing of those who heard about the bulldozer rampage, they probably didn't think, "Hey, let's go visit there!"

    2. we could get people here if we'd set up a park where people could use bulldozers..... a red neck theme park

  3. Congratulations on beating "The Ripley Report" as the Best Blog EVER!

    1. Thank you so much. Peter will have to content himself with being second BEST.

  4. Your periodic dwindling water report.

    Last week, the Elwha River (source of water for Port Angeles) was as 703 cfs.

    Today it is at 641cfs. Normal average for the date is 2,000 cfs.

    Last week, the Dungeness River, source of water for many in Sequim, was 250 cfs.

    Today it is 211 cfs.

    Normal average for the date is 680 cfs.

    Another. If you own property on the Oly Pen, you should seriously think of bailing out now, before your title records "no water available, periodically".

    But, this is because Port Angeles is BEST!

  5. You know what Port Angeles reminds me off, with all these exhortations from the official class to promote the belief that we're "the best"? It reminds me of North Korea.

    The people in North Korea are starved, denied basic rights, unable to travel, and have all opportunities in life totally controlled and limited by the state. It's a miserable, wretched place, but the official state line is that it's a Socialist Paradise, that it's better off than any other place on Earth. I believe the official state song is called something like, "We Have Nothing to Envy in the Whole Wide World." It's an impoverished, backwards wasteland, ruled with an iron fist for the benefit of the few, while the people suffer.

    Sound familiar?

    So, while the majority of Port Angeles residents suffer from under or unemployment, utility bills they can't pay, substance abuse, crumbling infrastructure, etc., etc., the ruling class (such as it is) keeps demanding that we all see just how good we have things here. It's insane, truly insane.

    I have to wonder how many of these official Port Angeles boosters here have ever been anywhere else. Were they born here, and have never been outside Clallam County? If they have travelled, how long ago was it? Do they really have any experience elsewhere to compare Port Angeles to? Yes, we have an amazing setting, nestled between mountains and shoreline. But that's just chance, and everything else here, everything that's the built or done as the result of a conscious choice made, goes wrong, horribly wrong.

    Our leaders are beyond clueless. As noted above, Don Perry and Cherie Kidd both got elected to the City Council, and they are both certifiable idiots. All our local governments, the City, the County, the Port, are dysfunctional at best.

    But all they hear from that last sentence is the last word, "best." We're the best! And like good, soul-deadened comrades, we're all supposed to join in with that chant, even as our bellies and bank accounts are empty.


    1. This post is as insane as the PA boosters are. North Korea? Iron Fist?

    2. Funny I was thinking something similar, although closer to home. You know, the US keeps thinking we've got the BEST internet in the WORLD, even though so many countries connect their citizens faster and cheaper than we do. Or our education is the BEST IN THE WORLD, even though by so many metrics we're falling behind. Or that our healthcare is the BEST IN THE WORLD, even though we pay far more for far less.

      The problem with thinking you're the BEST IN THE WORLD is it breeds complacency. There are so many problems with our healthcare system it's pathetic. Obamacare is, honestly, a pretty bad patch at best, but it's the best we're likely to ever get. Why? Because our healthcare is the BEST IN THE WORLD! The opposition to Obamacare doesn't even have a plan in place in the even they succeed in repealing it. Why should they, that mess of a healthcare system is the BEST IN THE WORLD! America! Fuck yeah!

      I'm hoping this BEST TOWN EVER doesn't succumb to the same level of jingoism, but then I think we're already there. Port Angeles ignores so many problems while engaging in its own form of flag waving. We don't even need this contest.

  6. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but the examples you've provided here are all undeniably true.

    Unless, of course, you're one of the people here who will deny them. Hence the problem.

  7. Port Angeles is the BEST Town, Ever at lying straight faced. They got it down to a science.

    You saw in todays' PDN how they are planning on spending millions and millions tonight on all kinds of things.

    But it was only a few months ago they were asking the public which programs to cut, because they didn't have enough money to pay for things they already had committed to.

    The hallmark of the best way to run a town. Envy of all of America.

  8. Not exactly on topic, but, I thought I'd point out the following to you and others here. On tonight's agenda. they are talking about spending millions on the piecemeal upgrading of Race and Lauridsen to fulfill the City's long stated goal of creating a by-pass "truck route" around Port Angeles.. to by-pass down town.
    You note that they are STILL dancing around admitting it. Remember, the last multi-million project towards that goal was the bridge replacement.

    By not coming right out and telling the public what they are doing, they avoid the residents outrage. But, they're building it anyways, without appropriate public consultation. Clever, eh?

    And those who have invested in downtown must have taken note of the millions to be spent to continue the process of turning Race and Lauridsen into the by-pass around Port Angeles. Traffic really won't be even near downtown, or 8th street businesses when that is completed.

    See? This is why Port Angeles is "Best". In so many ways. Millions in taxpayer money spent to divert the majority of the areas' traffic AWAY from local businesses. That's quality planning, coordination and foresight!

  9. Port Angeles: The best place for an old lady to get mauled by a dog - owned by someone who works in law enforcement.

  10. I see that yet another person has decided that the Eighth Street bridge is "the best" spot to try and kill yourself.

    1. I know somebody who was in the ER when that potential jumper came through. Unless there were two that day, the woman was a meth addict, screaming and cursing at the ER folks and had to be restrained before they could sedate her in order to begin to evaluate her. Welcome to Port Angeles.

    2. This idiotic contest made the KIRO tv news this morning. I don't like to start my day that irritated.Normally I like KIRO for the way they report the weather and traffic and local newsa, but their facebook feed sure is as bad as the PDN in that it's nothing but sensationalism. Today in the PDN is a nig article about a local business getting heaviliy involved to promote this "contest."

    3. Welcome to Port Angeles. Methheads to the left, please, and heroin addicts to the right.

  11. Utility rates and bridges so high
    There ain't no jobs
    'Cept serving pie in the sky
    Where sewage runs free
    And hope goes to die
    Port Angeles the best?
    Just another fucking lie...

  12. I just looked at the Elwha water data. Now at 608!! It was 703 last week. It was 641 yesterday morning.


    At this rate, we will be in crisis mode by the end of June.

    1. The inevitable crash is coming. The lack of foresight and planning will be made most evident, in the form of dry taps and angry (and frightened) residents.

      When that all comes down, it will be interesting to see what the boosters, boasters and elected know-nothings do in response.

    2. Bullshit! I saw the water level at the intake for the water treatment plant tonight, and it's at least 10 feet deep. It would probably have to drop below 100 cfs before it would affect the amount of water that can be pulled from the river.

    3. So, Anon 10:20, at a weekly rate of decline in the Elwha of 100cfs, and starting last night at 608cfs. how many weeks before the river drops to 100cfs?

      And, with the salmon runs, with endangered fish coming back to spawn, at what point will the Feds or? step in and say, " You can't pump the river dry"?

      Of course the flow rates fluctuate to some degree. But, there is no snow to replace the water that flows out to the Strait, every second of every day.

      It is just a matter of time, now.

    4. The river will never run "dry", and it's not just a "matter of time" until we'll be drinking muddy water.

      The real story, if you'd bother to look, is that NOAA's 120 day projections for flow rate are in the 200 CFS range for late-September.

      This is still slightly above the lowest flow rate that's occurred during the past 16 years. According to the City, domestic water consumption at these low flows is less than 2.5% of the river's overall low flow rate.

      Worst case is that Nippon will be thrown under the bus to protect the fish, but that's a long time from now if ever

      The real question is when will the late-summer/early-fall rains start?

      Oh yes, I know that's just for this year. I'm as concerned about the long-term future just like most of you, as global warming will certainly make all things weirder.

    5. Obviously, we disagree.

      The "real story" is not with projections, but with fact. The actual flows in the river are dropping like a rock. 100 cfs in a week, in May, when that flow is already way below 100 year old record minimum flows?

      That the city uses a figure saying it uses 2.5% of the overall river flow is meaningless. To understand how meaningless such comments are, consider a winter river flow of 10,000 cfs. 2.5% of that would be 250 cfs. At a river flow rate of 1,000 cfs, 2.5% would be 25 cfs. Quite a difference.

      Today, the river is at 594 cfs. The previously all time low for this date is 989cfs. The average for this date is 2180 cfs.

      After listening o the authorities talk at the various meetings, I only get more concerned. All talk in terms of "before", even though the current conditions are in no way similar.They are way worse.

      By late summer, we can revisit these "projections".

  13. Just a note to remind the lurkers who think they "know" what I'm up to online during the day...It's not much. You see, I'm at work during the day, and away from the computer. That's why your comments don't usually get posted here until late afternoon/early evening, when I get home. So, sorry to blow your big conspiracy theories out of the water, but...

  14. It's been fun to drop random truth bombs into the comments on this stupid contest today, and see the brainless boosters go into full-on denial scramble. "No debt! No drugs! No sewage! No problems!!!"

    What a waste of time and effort....