I don't mind admitting it when I'm wrong, or when there's something I didn't know. For instance, I always thought that, in most areas of life, it's up to other people to declare you as being "the best" at something. I figured that's why we have elections and the Oscars and all sorts of other symbolic ceremonies in our culture, right?
Apparently, it isn't against the rules to simply declare yourself "the best." Per the leadership of Revitalize Port Angeles, not only is it okay for people in Port Angeles to declare themselves "the best," but the town actually "deserves" that title. Not because of anything that can be measured or quantified. Not because people who have visited here have said so and spread the word. No, as crazy as it initially seemed, it's apparently perfectly fine and sensible for Port Angeles to declare that Port Angeles is "the best." And not just "the best," but "The Best Town EVER."
Having now incorporated that new framework into my worldview, I am pleased to inform you that you are now - right this very moment - reading "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD." Yes, you heard it here first (and only): Port Angeles Unearthed is, without a doubt, "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD." It probably has something to do with being associated with Port Angeles, which is, as you know, "The Best Town EVER." So how could this blog be anything less than the best?
Now that it has been established that this is "The Best Blog IN THE WORLD," I feel it's only fair to shine a little light on some other bastards, er, "Best Ofs" associated with "The Best Town EVER."
Karen Rogers is, without a doubt, the BEST
Unindicted Crook to have ever been Mayor
of Port Angeles. Karen also placed NUMBER ONE
in our "BEST of Buffet" competition.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a TIE in our
BEST Village Idiots to ever hold Public Office competition!
Yes, Cherie "It's A GREAT Day in Port Angeles!" Kidd
and Don "I Went to the School of Hard Knocks Ha Ha Ha" Perry are
BOTH absolutely brilliant at being morons.
The BEST case of Premature Exclamation goes to
the "sale" of the Lincoln Theater - which goes on and
on and on...
We have a terrific twofer! Yes, the Turd Tank is the winner in
both the BEST Waterfront Art category, as well as the BEST
use of $50 Million Dollars (and counting).
The BEST Puppeteer in Port Angeles is
handsome young Dick Pilling (the handsome young
fellow on the right - of course)! Dick is shown here with
his current hand puppet, Dan Gase. Dick previously
worked with Brooke Nelson, before she decided she didn't like having
Dick up her ass. Obviously Dan has no such problem!
Congratulations to both of you, gentlemen!
Sometimes, the BEST things in life really are free.
So, little ol' Forks scores with Steve Markwell in the category
of BEST Publicity That Money Can't Buy (Post-Twilight Division).
Now, thanks to Steve, Forks isn't just known for vampires; it's also
known for animal abuse. Yes indeedy, Steve - Forks you!
And now, thanks to Port Angeles, pretty much the whole country
knows that a bulldozer is the BEST Tool for Settling a Dispute
with a Neighbor. It's also the BEST Tool with which to Resolve a
Boundary Line Issue.
Port Angeles is also the BEST Place to Walk Without
Worrying About Running Into Anyone - Ever. Yes,
in Port Angeles you have room to roam! Lots and lots of room!
Whew! You're right, Revitalize Port Angeles! Port Angeles IS the "Best Town EVER"! And I haven't ever mentioned that BEST Reporter, Paul Gottlieb. We haven't even mentioned how Port Angeles is one of the BEST Places to Abuse Drugs. We haven't even touched on how Port Angeles is just about the BEST Place to Drop Out of School. Or to drop off of a bridge.
So many BESTS, so little time! Take THAT, Chattanooga! You can't hope to compete!