...How do you keep Cherie Kidd up and at her computer all night?
First of all, no, she's probably not up all night looking at online porn. (Probably.) No, all you have to do to keep birdbrain Cherie up all night is announce a new BEST TOWN EVER contest online, and boy, she'll stay up all night, clicking and voting away because, well, it's another great day in Port Angeles! Yes, a great day all night long! Click...click...click...
Never mind, as has been pointed out already, that Port Angeles didn't actually meet the (very loose) criteria for the contest, and got in as a mild wild card. Never mind, as has been pointed out, that there is no prize, other than extremely dubious "bragging rights." Never mind, as has been pointed out, that this is such an obvious shill for driving web traffic (like Cherie's eterna-clicks) to a website to jack up their numbers, and thus, their ad rates.
We put the "con" in contest!
No, never mind ALL of that, because the leaders in Port Angeles can now say they're running a City that might be the BEST TOWN NEVER. Oh, oops! I mean EVER. Gosh, this is important! Drop everything and click...click...click...
Yes, from the mountains (of debt and garbage) to the seashore (where you can see the Turd Tank and the previously mentioned garbage), clearly Port Angeles is ever so great, ever so fine, ever so perfect, and ever so close to being...THE BEST TOWN EVER.
I began this with a riddle, so let's end with a modified version of an old joke. You know, it's the one about a cemetery being so popular people are dying to get in it. Well, Port Angeles is such the BEST TOWN EVER that people are jumping off bridges to get out of it. In fact, it's such the BEST TOWN EVER that unusually large numbers of people are doing drugs to escape it. That persistently high unemployment rate? Those people aren't looking for jobs; they don't want to work and pay their bills. No, they just want to have the luxury of simply living in Port Angeles, because it is the BEST TOWN EVER.
BEST TOWN EVER? Sure...If you've never been to another town.
A photo from the future...Proud Port Angeles
residents celebrate living in the BEST TOWN EVER!